There’s more than one way to express your love for someone, and you don’t have to be a Booker Prize winner for that. Many of us feel we cannot be there for others if we’re bad with our words. Speaking from the heart is a wonderful skill, but it’s hardly the only one.
Most likely, you already have a unique manner of caring for someone, but don’t know it yet. Want to learn what your secret weapon of comfort is? Check out this text — we’ll show you around your inner charms and warmth.
Love Languages: A Short Guide
Warmth has many forms, and we don’t want to dwell on love languages as the only way you can be there for others. But there’s a use for the framework of the five love languages — while not entirely rooted in hard psychology (though there is research that shows its benefit), it helps you discern what type of affection you prefer and what you feel most comfortable giving.
Gary Chapman was the author who introduced the five love languages in his books, but this approach has gained worldwide attention. At the moment, people distinguish between five love languages:
- Words of affirmation. This one’s for those expressing love through spoken or written words that affirm, encourage, and make us laugh. It involves saying kind and supportive things, sending notes, leaving encouraging scribbles, and talking to someone through a difficult moment.
- Acts of service. This love language shows affection by assisting others in solving problems, being there when needed, and just being there in tough moments. It can be a help with chores if you’ve got depression, running errands for a person who’s struggling with too much on their plate, or even finding tools to help a friend with ADHD sleep problems.
- Receiving gifts. To people preferring this expression of love, gifts are any material trinkets that represent the attention others have for them. It’s not materialism; it’s just the way you show love through physically real things. It can be flowers, a handwritten note, or a cup of cocoa.
- Physical touch. One way to express warmth is through physical touch, so it can be a good alternative if you’re not into words. This love language includes everything from hugging to simply laying a hand on a friend’s shoulder to ground them in the moment.
- Quality time. To many, the ability to spend time with those they care for is the best choice. It can be as simple as watching a movie together, having a similar hobby, or lying around in bed.
Why Being Present Is Better Than Just Speaking
All types of expression of love and affection matter. What we often mistake for affection is just filling up the space and silence. Have you noticed that just talking about stuff and never paying attention or sharing an intimate moment can happen at the same time? That’s because showing warmth and affection requires effort.
We all need to be present around others, not just when they are sad or need our help. Present is being focused on the specific individual when they need it. You can talk, laugh, or listen to a favorite track. Or you can even knit, collect a puzzle, or ask each other thoughtful questions.
Sometimes, it’s more mundane but still precious: people who cook together and focus on it as an experience of sharing the physical space can enjoy the same affection as those having a romantic movie night. Presence is what makes people feel safe, even if nothing is said. Try practicing mindfulness during interactions: keep eye contact, ask questions, or just remind yourself of the other person being near. That’s something they will feel, too.
Being a Mirror; Keeping Quiet
Let’s talk (ironic!) about the moments when no words are needed. Imagine this: your friend is so devastated that they don’t want to talk. All they want is to cry or just be in the silence. Some (no, actually most) of us would feel uncomfortable around silence when the other person is suffering.
But the quiet can be healing. Peace comes from being seen. Learn to be a mirror, not a fixer. Don’t try to solve the other person’s issues or find solutions. Don’t criticize or joke. Just be there, offering a safe presence.
For example, remember when you felt good as a kid around your parents while they were doing something else, and you just kept doing your own thing? That’s all you needed then, and that’s what you can give to others.
This is where empathetic silence becomes a powerful instrument and a way to connect. It teaches us that there’s no right thing to say to someone, and sticking around can be the best option. Whether you witness joy, sadness, or irritation, you show that you care without trying to insert unnecessary words.
Be Their Safe Person
Most of us don’t even know how valuable it is to be a safe person for someone, but it’s like carrying a home in our pocket for others. But we are this home, this refuge. Allow others to trust you by showing up regularly and being there. Don’t fall for the idea that random gestures with extreme expressions of love are the only way to care. Be a quiet person who shows up when it matters. Be the one to bring a blanket when they are cold. Be reliable by just being there.
That matters in genuine warmth: consistency and showing that others can count on you. Prove to others that you will not disappear and that they can be themselves around you. This barrier — the idea that others will leave if they show anger or sadness or behave silly — will break down, and you will have the utter gift of their faith in you.
You Are Already Someone’s Peace
It’s never too late to learn a few more communication and supportive skills, but you are already a safe and comfortable person for someone. Some remember you, think about you when they frown or smile, and know that you aren’t just a human. You are their human. And having such a title is an honor.
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